Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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