Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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