I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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