I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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