im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
