I am puke
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
