I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
