yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
