Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
