well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
