you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
