how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
