Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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