new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
