so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
