I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
