you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize