Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
