i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
