she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
