how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
