another moral hangover. fuck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
