I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
