I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
