I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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