worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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