I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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