Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize