accomplished twins. life is a go
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My life is pants optional.
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