Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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