We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
