It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
