so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
