Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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