I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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