Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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