ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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