Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
