my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
