these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
