I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
