Did you just see the Batmobile???
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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