chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i've created a new STD.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
