please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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