I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
