She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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