I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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