she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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