the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
