It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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