Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize