dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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