I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
