yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
