Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
