i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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