At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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