i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
