He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize