So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
