Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
