Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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