yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
