Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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