My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
