now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
