I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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