i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
