i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
