who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
