One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
