They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
