I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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