My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i've created a new STD.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
