Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
