girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
