Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
