I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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