handjob tips. give me some.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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