If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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