I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
