we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
