I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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