Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
