What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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