he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Send help, water and tortillas.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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