my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
