Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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