Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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