How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
