Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
