standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize