Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
