There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
