8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
