If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
