All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
