Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Come on in and take your pants off
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