I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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