why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
