Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
