Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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