captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize